This blog is dedicated to the memory of David Weintraub, who took on insidious astroturfers and won.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

A Good Read Unspoiled



I must confess that each year beginning in April, and then once more each during June, July and August, I begin to grow in anticipatory blush as the major professional golf tournaments known colloquially as the "Grand Slam" re-set to play out once more across the elitist goat pastures of the US and the UK.

No, it's not that I like to play golf. Not at all. In fact I rather despise the game, actually. I can think of little that is more boringly useless in life than the waste of five-six good waking hours hacking up a perfect lawn when I could be doing something much more stimulating like sitting in front of the keybooard LMAO over Socrates's Twitter feed.

And puh-leeze. I also simply can't be bothered dahlink to watch TV in any of its debased, postmodernist forms, but most especially following those yuppiefied walking advert boards adorned in polyesther slacks and white belts as they rake in millions playing with their putter shafts.

Nay, what truly pickles my tiddler in a pint draught about the great sport game of kings CEOs sissies is the Guardian's liveblogging of the majors, which are brought to us fore times per annum in all faded English gloriousness by an extremely gallant chap name of Scott Murray.

The 77th Masters Tournament owes us a little something today. Boil the bones down, and yesterday's third round was a thoroughly miserable affair, bookended by two experiences which crushed the soul in different ways. The day started with Tiger's Trauma, an undignified business all round, not least in the gleeful stampede to finger the greatest player of the modern era as nothing more than a two-bit cheat, when confusing the drop-at-same-spot rule with the drop-along-line-where-ball-entered-hazard option is an easy enough mistake to make at the best of times, never mind when your almost-perfect wedge has just twanged off the flag and into the blue vagueness in the heat of Masters action.
The day ended with a Couples Catastrophe, the smoothest swinger in town keeping the fairytale alive through 13 holes, then capitulating over the final five to extinguish the dream. Butch Harmon's sullen reaction on Sky to seeing his erstwhile pupil suffer as he stumbled up the 18th in the wake of a triple-bogey on 17 - "Freddie's just run out of gas," he sighed wistfully - was laced with heartbreak, and the unconscious existential realisation that the 53-year-old's fate served as an allegory of all humankind's inexorable decay and inevitable return to dust.
Better days: We've had them.

The once storied empire may long since have shrunk into the rather nasty, brutish little US protectorate we know and larf at today,  a colony of Jim Fowlers to our Marlon Perkins, yes, ah, but that purely self-deprecating low wit lives on within descriptions of the always humbling often humiliating circumstances wrought on its participants by the quintessential British Scottish game, the same one where the royals at the top suffer every pip and yelp of the choking dog meltdown as surely as us plebes, the multitude of bored infotainment consumers who must yet shake our own martinis and pull our own tattered trousers on one leg at a time without the assistance of a faithful Jeeves, the obedient servant of the late, great Merv Griffin Show, Arthur Treacher.

footnotes

1. Yes, this is a mailed-in entry.

2. G'night Mr. Thomas






21 comments:

donkeytale said...

"Yeah, fourteen," sighs Simon McMahon, as he watches Tianlang Guan heelclick off over the horizon. "When I was fourteen I was a dysfunctional misfit with no mates sitting in my bedroom listening to The Smiths, writing bad poetry and playing Manic Miner on the ZX Spectrum. Still, look at me now, eh?" You've got the Smiths on your iPod, you've downloaded a ZX Spectrum emulator, and you're sending blank verse to national newspaper websites via electronic mail. Progress doesn't necessarily mean we've gone forward, does it?

donkeytale said...

I'm Smitty to your Robert Stacy McCain

socrates said...

Looks like I was prescient at 5 to 4 odds. Dude was a strict Muslim (not that there's anything wrong with that). There also seems to be a bit of death by internet or something.

So you got lone kooks? Who taught them how to make those bombs? I don't mind a good game of risk, but what part of thou shalt not kill did those assholes forget?

At least have the balls to go after people other than innocent folks.

It was a fairly sophisticated enterprise. They almost got away with it. It looks like they would have, if not for some after the fact mistakes. They seemed to miss planning for the end game. Maybe they were duped into it.

I don't know. It's not like I'm Wolf Blitzer. It's not like he ever adds in anything new either. At least I'm not paid.

trust nearly all of prepostericity's content

donkeytale said...

HAHA, yeah, but I think they were domestic terrists. The younger kid spent the majority of his life in the US.

He was boyhood friends with the nephew of Robin Young, Boston media star. Rindge and Latin grad. She has pictures of him from the jr prom.

So lets keep it real, dude.

Dead heat.

socrates said...

Dude, you know I like you. Love is possible but would be months to years away, if at all. But I digress.

You keep it real. I can only be tied, never beaten. Like the Celtics when they were healthy with the new Big Three, Perk, and Rondo.

I'm not trying to make light of it. I am very relieved it's over.

It's too bad the younger brother fell for it. He seemed quite normal from all accounts.

This wasn't a McVeigh or Unabomber thingie. I know who you mean by Robin Young.

You'll see. The older brother has to have had ties to Muslim extremists. I'm not saying this was Al Quaeda. It was the Russian division of Terrorists R US.

They are saying this was only a two man cell. I am not so quick to believe them. It's probably true, since their end game was so idiotic to what they pulled off.

But how'd they know how to put together those bombs? Is it that easy to do? How did McVeigh know how to do that?

I guess we are always vulnerable to nutjobs putting together legal stuff into some sort of bomb.

I am definitely happy Good Guy FBI got it done. I will take a break for a day or two from attacking Spy Industry. Kind of a detente.

But eventually I must get back to being the unofficial official spokesman for Anonymous, while Barrett Brown works out his legal issues, gets over his addiction to heroin juice, etc..

donkeytale said...

You dunn good. Wasn't it only a week agao when you called me an 'anti-Muslim messenger' for repeating the factoid that 91 million Muslims worldwide are estimated to be radicalised?

A Shakespeare is needed to explain the twisted family dynamics at work with these Chechnyan whackadoodles.

The father, explaining away violence against women--"my son only hit her lightly'.

The Mother with a paranoid worldview that would be right at home in the Whiteysphere. She has to be a blogger. Bet on it.

The Uncle, epitomising American Alienation but perhaps being the only partway sane participant in this wholes mess including the medjia and all the 'Twitter Tough Guys' out there (latest trademaeked DT catchphrase).

"My brother?I havent talked to that loon, his whackadoodle wife or his looser sons in years."

My theory is that the younger brother was dragged along by his older brother and ran over him on purpose.

The best news out of this mess is that social medjia is now being thoroughly discredited, hopefully for all time, except as a time waster and incubator for insanity. The tech guy on Slate, perhaps to atone for his sin of retweeting misinformation himself during the heat of the medjia firestorm, has advised that next time there is something this we should unplug the TV, delete twitter and go outside and clean the rain gutters instead.

Next winter is only 6 months away, y'know?

RIOTOUS!

socrates said...

Why piss them off any worse? It's a hip scotch and soda away from being Aaron Worthing. Come at me ye bitches to Molasses, Viginia.

How'd them apples taste?

I looked through a bit of the kid's Twitter. Yup, guilty, at least in blog court.

It was obvious from when it happened. This wasn't McVeigh going after the Federal building or Unabomber whatever he did and with the manifesto.

Classic Muslim extremist radical stuff. 99.99 % easy pickings for giving the Silverbot guaranteed prediction.

Fricken marathon?

And that was complex. They nearly got away with it. But for the cameras.

They had to have had a pretty good start.

Rumour is older bro couldn't get his fancy wheels fixed in time.

Aaah yes too on the exploitato-tainment secondary characters.

The uncle rules.

The mom and dad deserve each other.

Methinks someone put too much fruit into the fruitcake.

donkeytale said...

Also cant underplay the role of the infoboobtubes in creating this scene.

I think it was this article in the New Yorker that makes the point that both bros. seemed fairly well adjusted, normal and accomplished in RL but suddenly became exposed to online insanity whic probably accounts for the schizoid nature.

People tend to be different more extremist personas online and sometimes, perhaps today increasingly so, these extremist alter egos spill over into real life.

donkeytale said...

Linky thingie:

http://www.newyorker.com/talk/2013/04/29/130429ta_talk_remnick

"Gregory Shvedov, the editor of a Web site based in Moscow called Caucasian Knot, visits the Caucasus regularly and studies both the jihadist movement and the Russian government and military’s draconian behavior in the region. He was hardly shocked that two ethnic Chechens, raised largely in the U.S. but with a strong attachment to their homeland, might carry out such an act on a “soft target” like the marathon. “These days there are social networks, and people make their decisions from them,” he said from Moscow. “I would not be surprised if they had another life over social media. What kind of videos are they watching? What kind of lectures and YouTubes about jihad?”"

donkeytale said...

http://static.guim.co.uk/ni/1366653704344/363201342213441988148.pdf

And so, as noted in today's Grauniad live blog, Mr. Tsarnaev has been indicted in federal court on two criminal charges, one that falls under the legal definition of 'terrorism, ' the use of weapons of mass destruction. The other charge, was conspiracy related.

This does not seem farfetched to me.

The charge 'U.S.C 18 s 2332A' means domestic terrorism.

2332B meaning terrorism which "transcends national borders" was pointedly not one of the charges.

He will not be held or tried as an ''enemy combatant."

As for the others, its seems there are legal differences that explain the various charges. Glenn would do us all a service with his keen legal intellect to offer his opinion on why these differences do or do not matter.

James Holmes was indicted on multiple counts of Murder One in COLORADO STATE COURT.

Jared Loughner was indicted in federal and state court for attempting to assassinate US Rep. Giffords and killing others on the scene with 9MM Glock pistol. Did his actions and means constitute using "WMD"?

Both men appeared to be operating under the influence of severe psychiatric illnesses.

Newtown and Columbine are murkier to me, however, whether these involved "terrorism" or "WMD" seems ultimately beside the point,since the alleged perps all killed themselves and were never charged with crimes. In addition, Columbine occurred in 1999, just before the 9/11/2001 advent of the age of terrorism hysteria.

This concludes today's round of empty, meaningless blogging speculation/stat padding

We now return you to Socrates Twitter Feed...

socrates said...

Haha, Twitter is an easy way to sidestep blogging responsibilities.

We have seen a spike in the DFQ2 ratings. Donkeytale is definitely good for business.

I think we are both correct. It was a combo of old-school terrorism with death by internet or wtf.

socrates said...

Maybe we can get a stipend from Cass Sunstein. We are doing splendid work fighting conspiracy theory with conspiracy theory.

donkeytale said...

Yes, I put in overtime enjoying a splendid tete a tete with the lovely Laura. You'll never believe this but she totally buys the Alex Jones false flag schtick...the one about the Craft International paramilitary boys on the scene running a bomb drill and duping the Bros Tsarnaev into participating, just for the fun of it....

Here is one of my better responses:

"RIght. We want and desire the entire middle east, as well as Russia and China to be overrun by jihadists. (0.00 / 0)

Sure we do.

Makes perfect fucking sense. We can do bidness with them so much easier than imperialist lackeys masquerading thru propaganda as anti-American anti-Israeli freedom fighters (primarily to control their own populations whom they no longer can control, so yeah blame it on the Americans and the Jews, of course!)

RIOTOUS!

That Iranian and Syrian propaganda that you eat up no qiestions asked?

Psst, Laura:

its not even meant for your consumption, so relax. Your just collateral brain damage."

donkeytale said...

linky thingies:

http://www.pffugeecamp.com/diary/1567/the-brothers-tsarnaev

http://www.pffugeecamp.com/diary/1566/tsarnaevs-fanboys-of-syrias-islamic-extremists

The Fairleft dairy is a classic of the genre.

It would make even a Josef Goebbels blush.

I'm done.

socrates said...

I'm shocked. Apparently these kids got no outside help and learned all they needed to from the internet.

So in a way. donkeytale was more prescient than me.

However, it was clearly old-school terrorism. Perhaps picture the various nutjobs the FBI entrap who don't know even know how to light a match let alone tie their shoes.

Those bro's put together a nasty mass killing scene.

So we are back to square one. How do we prevent mass murders in America?

Could facilitating social and environmental justice perhaps make it a better world?

Yes, all right wingers are scum. As are hunters. Ok, I exaggerate but it's true on a fundamental level. Republicans should be locked up in internment camps, until world peace has been implemented. That's what I sez.

socrates said...

The problem is the debunkers in this internet bubble we call our pitiful addiction are usually assholian in genealogy.

Maybe if those lads had ended up on Pffugee instead of wherever the F they were, they would have read enough Fairleft and Laura (Blues, Stu Piddy, others from the Aiming Higher Club, etc., and said wtf, let's go a Sox game and chill.

Or legalise marijuana 100%. Good times for all is the solution. John Lennon called it love, which comes in many forms. None of which are fricken building bombs and being douchenozzles taking lives.

So a couple idiots actually pulled off some kind of death and destruction.

They suck. Even Gandhi, MLK, fricken Mother Theresa would have kicked their butts for even thinking such nonsense. Fricken looosers making it worse for progressives to get anything done.

Oh yeah, now it'll be even easier to fight the M.I.C. with this shite going on.

That was sarcasm.... Best chance for Palestinians, Chechyans (sp?), Syrians, you name the oppressed, is to shame the fricken oppressor based on facts. I'm done. And for anyone thinking that was an incoherent rant, just remember who immediately said this was an attack on Apple Pie America.

Fine, there is a bit of unabomber to it. Just not as defined. Did they think they'd get away with it and then take responsibility for the bombings?

Maybe if they wore masks, they would have gotten away with it.... But yeah, that would have given something away. They needed to wear makeup, fake plastic surgery or something.

It was a weird fluke I think of many factors. Old school terrorism and hopefully the internet factor gets spelled out.

donkeytale said...

Thank ye, thank ye.

'In a way?'

Yeah, sure, like in a way that is totally and completely 100% zeitgeistically on target.

Your dissembling after the fact notwithstanding.

The internet has become the new media whipping boy and deservedly so thanks to the Tsarnaev Bros. Maybe some little glimmer of good can come from even the worst human tragedies if enough fried internet addicts read these messages, step back from their keyboards, ponder their current states of mental/emotional disconnection and go WTF?

But check out the Mississippi ricin chronicles for truly infotaining internet created debacle.

This has all the earmarks of a Sandra Bullock and/or Julia Roberts style gently eccentric southern character absurdits. comedy of manners.

I was all over that one early on too, with the comment about the Elvis impersonator/hard core consiracy theorist blogger who coincidentally thinks everyone is out to get him. He leaves the house jumps in his car and immediatelty from nowhere several huge black SUVs with fedral plates come screeching out of nowhere, surround him, throw him to the ground, cuff him and hall him off.

RIOTOUS!

Today he is a free man, while his rival troll (sound familiar?) is now under suspicion...

THIS is why I love the whiteysphere

donkeytale said...

And yes, I was thinking the same thing exactly about pffugee. We really are performing a valuable public service, at least to the vast segment that is hopelessly addicted to sociopolitical polarisation on the infoboobtubes.

Methinks it would be a great time to bring your talents back to Pffugee.

Vox has been there too. The only ones missing now are DP and deedogg. The canine contingent.

donkeytale said...

Me, from Pffugee:

"As we awaken to yet another gloriously fired day in the whiteysphere, my prescience in all matters (0.00 / 0)

becomes ever more self evident.
So much so that even Socrates is giving me begrudging props at DFQ2 in his trademarked endearing petty, jealous manner. He also makes a good point about the healing powers of Pffugeecamp with which I enthusiastically agree.

Socrates at DFQ2: I'm shocked. Apparently these kids got no outside help and learned all they needed to from the internet.
So in a way. donkeytale was more prescient than me.

Maybe if those lads had ended up on Pffugee instead of wherever the F they were, they would have read enough Fairleft and Laura (Blues, Stu Piddy, others from the Aiming Higher Club, etc., and said wtf, let's go a Sox game and chill.

end quote.

We are truly chicken soup for the fried infotained soullessness of the whiteysphere. If only Timberland and Djokar had come here instead of Prison Planet....they would have spared many lives, their own karma and Laura from making an udder fool of herslef (yet again!) repeating the silly 4chan teenager fake conspiracy schtick.

RIOTOUS!"

socrates said...

We are the two most important bloggers this side of the Mississippi. If we are patient, we will get our due. We might have to come back as spirits or drink spirits, but we'll work it out.

No way in hell I'm going back to pffugee. That'd be like Dave Weintraub going back to the Free Speech Zone after getting pissed on by MattyJack and his other sewer mates.

I don't think you understand hgow sleazy and disgusting they are all over there. The two best are never or rarely around. Vox Humana is Ned Flanders. He can only be taken in small doses. Doberman Pinche is a minimalist. Even when she gets supersexy, it's fleeting. It's not satisfying like a Snickers.

I just made a buck mentioning Snickers. Ok, I didn't, but conspiracy theorists will say I did.

socrates said...

Aaah, I found your new story.

'A train has been lifted off my shoulders,' former suspect in ricin case says

A train off his shoulders? Is that how dey dem talkin down south of the Missisippi?