Son of Glennzilla and the Hamster

After the udder failure of the Third Party "Movement" in 2012, for like the umpteenth time in US herstory, clearly, it is time yet again to trot out another shiny new political narrative. Since third parties have been no-hitted and shut-out in every single presidential election there ever was, it is high time for something different. But, if the history of the blogosphere is any guide, the political narrative will not change one iota, and of course, will be vigorously marketed once again anyway. 

The business of the US of A-holes is business, even on the pwog-bound internets, and the ruling jedi of the Townhall cabal are not only proven innovators but they are job creators, too. And sometimes innovators fail. But then they get themselves back up, wipe the splooge of bull hooey off their feces and jump their shopworn sharks right back into the race. 

(Sung to a chorus of "That's Life" as performed by former CIA-asset codenamed Lil Frankie)


As everbohdee no, the current recession is severely impacting pwoggie bloggie donation streams (FDL just cut and/or laid off and/or retired their one man "journalism" editorial staff AKA cut n paste David Dayen) while infantile leftist bloggers have sustained several crushing blows to the collective skull during the past 2 years. 

First, the Arab Spring confounded and pulled their foreign policy tricycle wheels completely off, followed by the unlikely re-election with ease of a bought/paid for Kenyan Muslim socialist fascist evil child murderer drone meister, which occurred (much like the Black Satan's initial election) without a hint of support from the infantile left who nevertheless still claim to be his uber disappointed base.

(h/t Little Matty Stooler. Did mommy and daddy buy Santa bring you a new Trike for Christmas, Little Matty?)

But in the grand tradition of American libertarian business people, two famous internet entrepreneurs and occasional business partners, Glenn Greenwald and Jane Hamscher are sure to find new and exciting ways to resurrect their flailing punditry careers. 

As the new year fiscal cliff approaches, there is mounting evidence of yet another covert, concerted effort underway to marry the libertarian right with the Fake Left into an effective business model for internet entrepreneurs to cash in.

[Bonus holiday season conspiracy theory/jumping the shark alert]

LOL. 

When will the "switch" part of the fake left "bait and..." blossom into a useful reality? Probably never, if the 2012 election results are any indication.

Check this out. There is now appearing at MyFDL a poster named "donbacon". He isn't being very transparent in identifying himself but the Firebagging insiders like CTuttle know exactly where Bacon is coming from, therefore so must Hamster and her little spinning cage wheels who moderate the site's dwindling traffic. 

Any way you slice it, Bacon's a definitive pork product, obfuscating his ideological stripes by making innocuous thread patter in order to ingratiate himself without revealing his true nature to the shilled.

I definitely smell Cato/Koch Bros influence here. Makes an awful lot of sense when you think about it, knowing what we all know about Hamster's herstorical ties to the right wing. 

Cough. Grover Norquist. Cough. 

Why, I mean, by golly, if the Paultards coalesce with the Pwogtards, viola, they become an instantly impressive 1.6% of the electorate!

Add four more years of solid refuse disposable blogging mixed with the rabidity of Glennzilla's anti-Democratic Party perseveration (now available on the Guardian!LOL) and all the indications are that this newly formed political juggernaut might hang onto .35 of one percent or even slightly less in 2016!

Yay! Go team whiteysphere. Yur not getting older, yur getting grayer too. And yur progressive nads may be fraying but yur libertarian libido is still raging. 

[projection alert]

[pinocchio alert]

We can keep on blogging and retain our lily whiteness at the same time. That's something John Boehner and Grover Norquist might term a 'win/win'. 

The doomed loosers of the whiteysphere now have a political narrative that's almost new and nearly unique upon which to further devolve and disassociate themselves from reality: a fifth consecutive failed Third Party Presidential election strategy beckons.

This, dear readers, is some impressive "stick-to-it-iveness."

Some may call blogging an addiction, for which 12 step programs are now proliferating widely (ironically, treatment is even available online!), but I term this keyboard warrioring an irrepressible tendency to die in self-delusional self-defeatist selfishness.

[projection alert]

And if the Greens combine with the Libertarians, progressives will finally become that third party threat they have falsely heralded every four years since 2000, or 1992 if they are willing to now admit an affinity for H. Ross Perot back in the day. 

Bet on it. Third place is theirs for the taking.

And that could be worth at least some semi-serious right-wing PAC schwag, sorta like Operation Accountability, only hopefully bigger. Last time they teamed up, Glennzilla and the Hamster raked in more than a quarter mil, of which hardly any went anywhere resembling political donations (the ostensible purpose of a PAC) except into their own bank accounts for "consulting fees" and "expenses." 

Maybe a half million or more could be a reasonable goal this time if they decide to re-team, enough to tide both over through the midterms at least. 

Surely, by then this diversionary tactic could at least buy time to come up with some new schtick to replace the currently frazzled anti-Obamaism, which fortunately will by necessity need to give way to anti-Hillarity by early 2014, in any event.

Beautiful. I could see Glennzilla and Hamster once again laughing all the way to the bank on the backs of their delusional followers. 

Y'know, banks, those evil corporations run by banksters, but still where the fake left stash their PAC schwag at the end of the day when all is said and not done.