I almost died.

I turned 52 in August and a couple days ago experienced a heart attack. Basically none of us gets out of here alive.

It's not really how they're portrayed in movies or at least not mine. It was more of a pain that wouldn't go away with loss of strength in the arms.

It was almost no different from going in for an oil change except for the fear factor. I will avoid specifics but for the rest of my life I will be on important medications. Blocked arteries were fixed with stents. I think I was also given a form of opiate, one that is in the news a lot.  Yes, I can see how it might be very addictive. Everything was so clear. It was tripping without the hallucinating or at least that's how it felt to me.

What I learned along the way was disturbing. I asked approximately ten people if they had ever heard of Julian Assange. Only one person sort of recalled the name.

If that doesn't mean we are screwed for good, I don't know what would. No one has a clue. We the aware are apparently only 1% of the population.

I've been too stressful and am going to let it go. While in the hospital, I saw that there is a Daily Mail t.v. channel or show. I am swimming against the tide. I have been jeopardising my life by caring too much.

I thought maybe three out of ten would have heard of Julian's name if not more. It was quite ridiculous to hear from person after person, "Who?" My response was he's the dude from Australia and Wikileaks. I would mention Bradley Manning before he became Chelsea. Snowden didn't even seem to ring a bell. This ignorance was more alarming imho than the personal health crisis.

I'm off of cigarettes. For the most part I love and enjoy life.

Not many of my ideas have changed. For example, the U.S. Military is clearly a cult and the number one threat to humanity. But now I imagine the harsh, brutal truth that no one is listening and no one cares. That is more terrifying than knowing life could end at any moment; that we are definitely fragile and not infinite. I do still believe in reincarnation.

I didn't sleep much the last couple days. Soon I will rest and it will be extremely peaceful.

I have to be very careful for a couple weeks.

I do have to change some things, one of them being blogging and use of internet. I probably had bad luck with tobacco, but I also probably did this to myself by sitting too much. Even putting this together feels a bit stressful. I think worrying about Julian might have been my personal tipping point.

I now fully understand why we are allowed free speech rights to the extent it seems. What the military does in general, day in day out, is very efficient in keeping us trapped within a form of matrix.

CNN could go bankrupt and nothing would change.

Daily Mail might be as harmful to one's health as cigarettes.

People are too busy with the minutiae and daily grind of existence to understand historic phrases such as the personal is political. The "personal" is blogged and gets about 12 real views. The rest are from military cult cyber warriors monitoring all social media for our fake protection.

It just goes to show that what Chelsea Manning, Ed Snowden and Julian Assange did was epic and historic despite there appearing to be no dents made into the status quo.

I definitely want to live until at least 80 or 90. Yet I no longer feel as if I have ever made any concrete difference on this world.

The spin might be that I am no better than "them" asking people to accept that we are powerless. Maybe that is correct and I have basically been an unpaid fake. I am admitting defeat as a blogger. I don't think anything can be changed for the better as in ever and that this is probably the beginning of a mass extinction. Maybe we will go dormant for millions of years as the Earth heals itself.

Pissing into the wind. Rowing upstream. Maybe this is some form of narcissism in which I felt I was making a difference but it wasn't even close. Not many seem to know much about Julian Assange and Wikileaks. So, it should be safe to say that no one is listening to or caring about what random Joe Schmoes think no matter how eloquent or infotaining the schtick.

Sarah Jessica Parker is in the news for wearing fur. I could crank out blog entries every day on tons of meaningless content. Did you know that her husband actor Matthew Broderick killed Irish people in a car accident?

There are updates on the Dallas cop who assassinated the guy from St. Lucia. There were gas explosions in Boston. There are basically a million meaningless stories because none of us matter and this is anything but a democracy.

I'm definitely proud for what I blogged, especially the bigger scoops and some of the lifestyle writing. But, I no longer hold onto the fantasy that any of this makes a difference.